Sharing is caring within reason of course. Compliments, great tips, and even advice when asked, are all wonderful things moms can do for a fellow mom. However, dark clouds can roll in quick when certain things that never should be said, are said.
“It’s okay, it’s your first.”
First child or ninth, every mother can endure ups and downs. No child is the same and no matter how experienced you are, you can be faced with firsts even with a second or third birth. This gets said a lot by veteran moms who assume they have collected all the knowledge of motherhood, and although some are trying to be helpful, they still should NEVER assume you are incapable or struggling. We all have rough, off days so NEVER suggest one momma knows more than another based on status.
“Are those still your maternity clothes?”
Wowzers! Yes this was said to a friend of mine. First, keep in mind that it takes months to grow and care for the little bundle(s) of joy, so you don’t lose the weight in a week. Some women bounce back super quick, sure, but keep in mind that we are all different. Personally, I still wear my maternity tops because they are Uber comfy and make for nice, roomy breastfeeding shirts.
“Congratulations on your pregnancy.”
Yup, and that was to the lady who struggled to drop the baby weight and was NOT pregnant. I learned how hard it is to accomplish things with a baby as a first time mommy. Working out is not on the top of the list--sleep is. For some women, taking time off from the gym to focus on the baby, is priority. Rule of thumb, even if you think she is pregnant, never assume, and let them tell you.
“You went out with friends? Who watched that poor baby?”
This one is not only rude, but personally offensive. Why can’t a mother take a night off and meet up with friends? Why can’t a mother step away from her full-time mommy job to just get dolled up for a few hours and do something minus baby. Yes, baby will be ok, and eat, sleep, and poop without mommy. I know personally when I went on my first date night that I couldn’t wait to get back to my little one, but it was nice to spend time with my husband and eat with two hands versus one.
“What do you mean you don’t want visitors right now?”
Okay, when a baby is first born, there are many important things to take in consideration and one important one is limiting visitors. Newborns have weak immune systems AND they need to get acquainted to mommy and daddy. Also, both parents are extremely tired and mommy is recovering from a major experience so the last thing they want is constant visitors. I know my little one wasn’t a fan of a lot of stimulation and with breastfeeding, I would feed on demand and he would nap. The last thing I wanted was to have him eat and then keep him up. Some forget that when babies skip their nap and they (visitors) go home, baby will become extra cranky for already tired parents.
Moral of the story is that yes, advice is nice to give, but when asked. Don’t assume anything in life, and the birth of a baby is beyond magical, so let the parents enjoy it and eventually you will too.