When I found out I was pregnant with our first child, I received an overwhelming amount of advice and support. There were those that gave me cliché advice – “It goes by so fast” – and those who gave me unique advice – “make sure to use witch hazel after birth.” Although all the advice I received was true, nothing really prepared me for the amount of worry I would feel.
Before our first was born I worried about everything. What is the safest car seat? What is the best stroller on the market? What is the cutest crib? How much can that diaper bag fit in it? Will he know he is loved? Will he be happy? Will I be enough? Will I be a good mom? Once our son was born, the worry didn’t go away: it simply changed.
As he grew older I stopped worrying about what I carried in the diaper bag. A blow out happened and I don’t have a change of clothes? Who cares! I will figure it out if it happens. He crawled into a wall? Guess that means he will have to watch where he’s going. Of course I made sure he was always safe and wouldn’t really hurt himself. I just decided that it wasn’t worth the worry to control every aspect of his day. I’d rather him slow motion crawl into the wall, that can be cured with a cuddle and a kiss, than let him learn his limits and abilities when he can really hurt himself.
Even though I decided to let go of a lot of worry early on, I didn’t realize how much was still there until recently. Our second son is only 6 months old. He got a cold that has morphed into much more. It has been the saddest, most heartbreaking week and a half of my parenting journey. I have spent this time cuddling, rocking, soothing, and praying. It is very scary knowing there isn’t much you can personally do. It has brought me back to the basic worries I have always had: Does he know he’s loved? Is he happy? Am I enough? Am I a good mom?
Every smile shows me he knows he is loved. Every giggle he gives his brother, his puppy, his daddy, and me, shows me he is happy. Every loving stare shows me I am enough. This week and a half has been very humbling. I hope that I do not have to go through this or anything worse than this again. However, I am thankful it has reminded me of the most important thing: I am a good mom.
Written by VHS contributor// Meg Anderson